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Failure is just an
opinion
The two years of hard work and dedicated studying had flown by. Stan
knew that he had been a model student and that nothing could go
wrong in the final stages he was now entering, given his serious
work attitude. Orals: An easy walkover for a student of his caliber.
As long as you followed the guidelines of your instructor, made sure
the paper you would defend was your own work, and incorporated your
coursework, you would be fine. That's what they said.
Stan failed his exam. Of all people! Devastated was an
understatement to express how he felt. Maybe "defeated" came closer.
Or "a serious state of self doubt." Countless emotions were fighting
to take front seat in Stan's mind. And at least as many questions:
Where did he go wrong? What could he have improved? Should he have
prepared even more than he did (as if that would be possible)? Stan
had followed all the rules, given a bit more than his all in the
preparation process, and had his instructor review and re-review his
paper before accepting the green light for submission to the
examination committee.
Stan's tragedy has overcome most of us at one time or another, and
in one form or another. Whether it was during and entrance or exit
interview; a driver license, CPA or social worker's test: the
overwhelming awareness of having failed has caught us somewhere down
the line and left us a wee or an enormous bit less secure about
ourselves and the world around us. Yet, failure is but a subjective
perception. First of all: if your failing results from an interview,
you have to realize that the ones on the other side of the table may
have formed themselves an idea about you that can ruin your entire
future for as far as it depends on them. It's just a moment in
your life, but the ones who have the power in that particular moment
can decide whether it will be a glorious or a traumatic one. If you
succeed you will praise whatever you believe in, and gain trust and
confidence in the world. But if you fail, the questioning will
start, and, depending on your personality, the consequential anger,
depression, withdrawal, or……perseverance!
What you should realize in both cases is that the outcome only
partially depends on your performance. A great deal of the result
lies in the hands of the ones who judge you: their moods, their
perceptions, their ideologies, and the political games they play.
If, for instance, you were referred to your interviewer by a mutual
friend, you have a good chance to be successful, even if your
performance during the interview is not at star level. But if you
were referred or supported by someone your interviewer has a problem
with, you may have unconsciously been maneuvered in a very bad
position. And your knowledge, preparation, bright smile, persuasive
talents, charms, and eloquence won''t do anything for you.
So, that's the trouble with oral interviews. But what about written
tests where no one sees you and, hence, cannot determine whether
they like you or not? How can that be justified if you fail after
thorough preparation? Actually, it cannot. The only positive to take
away from this experience is that you may not have been ready for
the opportunity you were pursuing, or that there is something better
in store for you. Or maybe you should just realize that this
unpleasant experience is a disguised providential strategy
to make you stronger: Not necessarily destined to make you fall, but
rather to force you to get up and stand taller.
Agreed: it's not easy to look at failure this way when you're
confronted with it at this very moment. But once you've managed to
take some distance to the issue you'll hopefully agree. Failure is
just an opinion. In the first place by you, the one who experiences
it. It hurts. It makes you feel unworthy. It makes you wonder about
yourself. But it also creates the possibility for you to get to know
yourself better……if you allow that.
So, here's something I'll give you to carry with you from now on:
My dear friend you should know
That failing is a way to grow
And, though at times it may not feel so
It allows you your strengths to show
My dear friend, you should be aware
That failing can be everyone's share
And that no matter how much we care
Failure will force us to live and to dare
My dear friend, you should realize
That failing is sometimes merely a disguise
Of a magnificent, gratifying future prize
And a guarantee of life's spectacular spice
My dear friend, please know above all
That failing does not just mean you fall
But more: that you get up and learn to stand tall
Conquering every hurdle, climbing every wall
My dear friend, failing is but a perception
Subjective by nature, or by human deception
Your dealing with failure will make you an exception
Leading to a higher stage - and its inception
My dear friend, yes, failing is a bitter pill
That has been known many weak ones to kill
But also for shaping the ones with strong will
To redefine for themselves how life to fulfill……"
Burbank, California; December 9, 2002; Joan Marques, MBA, Doctoral
Student (URL:
http://www.joanmarques.com)
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